Hello again, June. One year, two moves, and one dog later, we’re hitting our first anniversary this month. Wooohooo!
This has been one of my most treasured blessings, marrying my John. I’ll never be able to thank him & God enough for the gift of this friendship, this life together, this love.
But, oh my gosh I was so wrong.
I guess it’s just the time we’re growing up in. Maybe it’s our mothers, or TV, or Instagram– maybe it’s lots of things. I can remember wedding planning, standing in front of mirrors in a few pretty dresses wondering when I’d cry, and thought something was wrong when I never did.
After the bridal appointments and parties and all the stages of what a typical engaged woman does, I expected some things I’ve been told is okay to expect.
And yeah, engagement was the most fun, and I didn’t mind one bit twirling in gowns that cost more than a couple car payments. But I remember leaving dress shops kind of chuckling because at the end of the day, it was still just all fabric. It didn’t change my life like I thought it would.
And this ring John chose to give me is beautiful and I’m the luckiest girl ever to get to sport it around—but it’s still just a ring.
Are we so wrapped up and wrapped around and stressed out about this fantasy of what our wedding is supposed to be? Because most of the things I was told a wedding is turned out to be what a wedding is not.
John & I attended pre-marital counseling the months leading up to our wedding, and I still remember the first time we met with our Pastor. He sat across the table at Starbucks to ask us:
“Why do you want to get married? Why do you want to complicate your lives by living with another flawed human being? Why not just keep dating and keep it all more simple?
Jaws hitting the floor, we sort of just blinked a stare at him for a few moments, trying to get our thoughts together after the curve ball he’d just thrown.
We answered, he smiled and joked that we had passed his test, and continued for the next hour that went by too fast about friendship and how the most foundational thing a couple should have before even beginning a relationship is to be friends.
He spoke on our family history, and how things in our past don’t define our marriage but need to be addressed to uncover “hot-spots” or problem areas that may come up. Truthfully, it didn’t take us long after we’d walked down the aisle for us to understand what he meant!
He spoke mostly on how marriage is a picture of what Jesus did by how we’ll serve each other in our own home, and how it’s a priority that should be perched right underneath our relationship with God.
But not a thing was ever mentioned about our wedding day.
Not because it’s not important, and not because planning something beautiful to celebrate love is a sin– it’s just, in the grand scheme of Two Becoming One, there’s more to it than a cute color palate, an open bar, and a big guest list.
So instead of planning for the wedding day more than all the days after…
let’s plan for each other.
Let’s not be a divorce statistic, and really work on prep for the hard parts before they happen.
Let’s not get snagged on stressing over the unimportant.
And let’s hold close to scripture and keep asking Jesus to make us more like Him. That way, our “I Do” doesn’t leave room for “Never mind”.
Because forever means forever, and forever would be a lot more enjoyable if we worked on being friends, both now and long after we’re old and grey.